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2012 [11 Nov 2009|02:30am]


hello eljay-ers,

7more weeks and a whole new world for me.
god, thank you. god, i love you. no no,
i love you NOT because of the happiness that
you lend to me but because the power that you had
passed to me.

the power to be patience and believe in you,
all over again.

i am around. still reading. i am much comfortable with
http://www.kiddzter.wordpress.com but when my brain died on me,
i will silently write away in my brains which will disapparate within
few minutes. afterall, i am disapparating from the world.

and i dont believe the world is going to end 2012! i refuse to acknowledge that because that is the year i am getting ..........!!!

10 read & cmnt

la dispute [04 Sep 2009|02:36am]
"Rise!" Said the Boy to his Lover,
"Darling, get up. I've brought you my love, and brought it far!"
"Leave!" Said the Girl to her lover,
"I've given in. If love is a bridge, we built it wrong!"


[04 Sep 2009|02:23am]
do you recall
the day you said to me
"souls like ours must touch to be free"?

dear god, with love! [02 Sep 2009|05:11am]
[ mood | content ]

♥ me
♥ me not.
my brain,
they are attacking my emotions.
my feelings that died 13months ago.

dear god,
help me. spare me from unwanted thoughts
of killing that humanoid. i would insert a timebomb into
that humanoid's mouth if i have the ability function like a
dear god,
thank you for the soothing prayers that you bring out from
my dear lips. it calms me down.

dont get me wrong,
i love my life right now. it's beautiful because i am surrounded
by beautiful humans who appreciate me for who i am.
i am blessed now. alhamdulilah.

dear god,
i love you more than him.
dear god,
thank you for the 2nd chance.
dear god,
i am repent.

and i am super back after i have my cuppa of latte and series of star gazing.
love you munchkins!!!
2 read & cmnt

tottemo daisuki, tody. [19 May 2009|12:50am]
[ mood | content ]

happily it's the 53rd day!!
may god bless us in our future endearments.
3years and 7 months seems a little too far but
yes, thank you for everything. i like my seat
this time around.very permanent. very special.
with good view and all. and please never let
go of this tiny hand when we take the lift, again.

so, now let's plan.
1 read & cmnt

OHMA [11 May 2009|01:38am]
[ mood | happy ]

8months ago, you thought you were going to lose me in a battle. a battlefield that leads to major destruction. yet never for one split second you leave me alone in that room. you held my hands so tightly, whispering every doa (ALHAMDULILAH) and breathing in good vibes for me to lead the life that GOD has granted me; 2nd chance. i have done the most incredible thing that could result you to have a full pledge heart attack. you could have disown me a million times but never have you flag the whiteness.you are such an angel that i am blessed with lots of chances. you are my heaven, IBU.you are such an irritatant that if a day without you irritating me would be simply weird and awkward. i love you for irritating me but i guess, that's a job of a MOTHER. IRRITATE their kids to make them mature. i am the eldest yet the last to mature in the family. thank you again for always giving me the kick in the butt whenever i need it. thank you for your endless relationship jokes & advice. 8months ago, i thought i would go first before you. the tears in your eyes, i am sorry...IBU.

i am not the best daughter that GOD has bestowed you with. i am a failure in certain areas but you never for once reject me nor give up on me. thank you for without you, my life wouldn't be the way it is. thank you for always being there throught all the hurdle that i have been through. from first to the last, i would never trade you for any bands,friends,boyfriends or even future husband. you are my heaven and will always be my heaven. and i still love to irritate you nonetheless for i am your daughter who loves you and definitely is not good at expressing her love over material. thank you for having us, the kids. without you & OHPA(AAAAAYAH!), we would never see the twilight of the world. for that, HAPPY MOTHER's DAY!

so for now, continue your job at irritating us. SARANG HAY EUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ps; i love you every breathe that i exhaled & inhaled.

8 read & cmnt

when you tell me that you love me, the world trembles with good fears. [02 May 2009|01:33am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

when you tell me that you love me, the world trembles with fears.
i love you with ever fingertip that i can find and count and may not be
countable with. with every eyelid that keeps flapping each time i gaze
upon your heaven sent smile. oh bulan, air mata ini membasahi pipi
ini bersama senyuman ragamu. softcore & desert was love. 3months
and it took us that much long time for a real confession IN the box.

"......ku enggan berpura pura ku bahagia..."

goodnight and see you in 18hrs time.
4 read & cmnt

because your words intoxicate my haemoglobin. [16 Apr 2009|02:10am]
[ mood | cynical ]

wishes that her heart would stop pounding and that might get her soul back into this body.
and maybe, just the slightest maybe that i could at last breathe normally. you know,
a real human breathing session.
it hurts after sometime, the gritting session.

[15 Apr 2009|01:18pm]
[ mood | crush crush crush ]

bcause i might be contemplating
either here or there.
3 read & cmnt

you broke my dress and along came my heart. [15 Apr 2009|01:07pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

in a split second, someone could break our heart without them knowing it.

i miss you nonetheless, seriously. [11 Apr 2009|08:24pm]
[ mood | listless ]

I am empowered by the status quo and my virtue is justification.

define a good date: [11 Apr 2009|12:48pm]
an eat out at the backseat of a car.
lots of nachos with cheese. plain water.
seaweed.lots of seaweed.jellybean-os.
no hugging. no kissing. just plain lots of
innoncent laughter that cracks your brain out.
watching spongebob & doraemon & olskool
boyband music video back to back. singing out
loud in the darkness to songs that you have no
idea you remember the lyrics.
under the moonlight. under the eyes of GOD.
that is a good date. and who say girls are
high maintenance?

[11 Apr 2009|12:41pm]
and email came in the wee morning.
it makes me stop thinking and laugh out loud. the things your loved one do to make you laugh...

from : the unknown
to : neng yulisa margoyo darma
subjbect: STILLNOX, it rawks.

RELAX, GOD is in control. watch the dots. Take your meds.DON't drink COKE. Obey my demands.Trust my dog and go for surgery and at the end of the torment, you will get back your heart with lots of holes in it.

and you keep thinking i am suicidal for no reason. [10 Apr 2009|08:23pm]
thank you, ALLAH for giving me the strength today.

THE GIRL - pt2 [10 Apr 2009|05:15pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

THE GIRL - pt 2

because at the end of the day/night,
she will be running back to him.
she have no one to run to right now.
it freaks the inner her that she will be condemned
in the eternal darkness, ALONE. with no one to
fully understand or understood her.
and when the day comes, only
the writings would and perhaps make them understood
a little or two of the story of the girl who pretends to
be normal when she is not even near abnormal.
she is afterall, a girl with a big invisible heart.
she is the girl who lost her soul to the devil.
and her heart to the dog.

it explains lot. [09 Apr 2009|01:59pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

The Hermit card reversed suggests that you may feel insecure. Take extra care that you don't come across as defensive, shut others out or treat those who show concern or interest with hostility, or else you could ignite sentiments such as 'good riddance' or 'they're just jealous.' Lighten up and you might find what you seek, but don't fall victim to someone who may prey on your vulnerability or feelings of isolation or pretend to know what you are going through. You may need to face the truth alone.


[04 Apr 2009|07:34pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

cause it's an art to pretend that
you are not hurting.

NIGHT SHIFT was major fucked up!! [04 Apr 2009|08:08am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

night shift was horrifiying;
for the first time in my whole
nursing life.my patient kept saying
there is someone in white and has
red eyes. i swear i am going to kill him
on sunday. permanent night would be
pleasing with the right person. micu,
maybe. insya Allah.
2010, a year to look forward.

tAuHatE vs KIDDZTER [01 Apr 2009|08:25pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

[current score = 2 : 1]

random 3rd date. the search for ciggies at the back alley. on missing someone and being missed.
missed connection part uno. brown bangs is getting uglier. thank god for sudden off day, i shall
re-attempt to do the hair. someone bought me a white dress with pink flowers on it. it's lacey. it's
beautiful. was told to wear it with my pink vans. yes, a punkrock wedding affair. truly truly ryn's
typical wedding. the only punkrock girl who is not in the scene. you are beautiful, nur sharyna.
and i am glad we are friends since the age of seven. congratulation to the union. and yes, i shall
drag that doraemon to the wedding. blueboy said hi to me today. amazingly amazed. i got blueboy,
doraemon, turtle & katak for friends. i love animals.

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